First let me say that the above title was only meant as a draw. I do not believe that the single black woman carries a burden any greater than the Black woman, period. And since I have been single and am a Black woman that gives me a right to offer up that perspective, whether others agree or not. But that's not what I'm here to debate. What I am here to do is share my response to a posting on another site, as it regards a Black man's response to how Black churches are keeping Black women single and lonely. There was a chick who bashed the brother's response, a response that I felt was well thought out and well stated. Her comment reminded me of why Black women have been accused, oftentimes correctly, self included, of hearing but not listening. The sistah's immediate response was to jump down his throat and superfluously toss out her belief that Black men should be taking this up with the "white" man. Because I do not have permission to reprint her comment or the brother's response, mine alone will have to suffice.
Without further ado:
Black men will not only go to the power structure, but seek to destroy the power structure, when Black women demand it and support them in it. Vietnamese women during the Vietnam war serve as a great case example of this. I agree almost point-for-point with this brother's analysis. As Black women, especially Black mothers, many of us have failed tremendously. We have failed because we came off our path. Despite slavery. Despite the many transgressions waged against us and our men, we could have still stood, can still stand. Matter of fact, there were many who did stand, but disingenuous people erased this knowledge to a great extent as a way of disempowering us. Our men are as weak as we allow them to be. Yaa Asantewaa called them to task on this and they went to war with her against the pale skin invaders.
Women have the power to build a community as well as destroy a community. Life blossoms in our wombs and descends from our holy orifices. Are our wombs dead or alive? Will we give birth to the living or the dead? That's something only we can decide. When we look at Black men who have sidestepped their responsibilities, we also have to look at that from a balanced perspective. What energies did we carry with us into the relationship? For whose satisfaction was a child conceived? We have to start accepting responsibility when we make bad decisions. 9 times out of 10 when we encounter a brother that skips out at the mention of pregnancy, we knew all along he wasn't in it for the long term--but being the stubborn species that we are, we had that baby anyway. So, yes, life requires us to achieve balance if we wish for it to be sustaining, but above all else, it requires us to be logical in our reasoning and honest about why we do what we do and want what we want. I believe the church and religion played and plays a significant role in relieving us of responsibility for our actions. "Put your faith in Jesus." "Go to the Lord." "Only God knows." "If it is God's will." All of those phrases relieve us of responsibility and place this responsibility in the hands of an unseen deity.
Until we stop seeking "white" ideas of success, stark materialism, etc., and get ourselves back on the right path, we will continue to see suffering among our people. Feminism has made an arrogant, stubborn, uppity, cruel and ugly ass of the Black woman. Black women need to regain some of the modesty of years gone by. Stop shopping the Asian establishments for hair unlike ours. Stop buying up expensive outfits to drape on a body that contains an atrophied brain. Stop supporting Black men who believe that rims and a flashy car mean they've made it, but they're always broke. It's time for us, as Black women, to toss that crap out of our lives and work to establish meaningful relationships with our men and mirror to our sons how we expect them to treat the women in their lives. That would at least be a start.
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